I Am So Tired of Buying Toilet Paper

I swear I don’t use any more toilet paper today than I did ten years ago, but it seems like I’m buying it by the bale every time I go to the store. Do you know how expensive that stuff is? If you buy top-of-the-line Ferrari-type paper, you’re spending close to $15. When you consider the product’s intended purpose–its end use so to speak–it’s just ridiculous.

I opt for the midrange variety. It doesn’t have all the extras like quilted padding and lotion, but it’s not 1960s-era Communist-era Russia quality either. It gets the job done, and really, what more can you expect?

While I’m on the subject of shrinkage, let me toss in a few other observations. (Yes, I know that Andy Rooney did this same riff several years ago, but that was before I had a blog. Otherwise I would’ve done it first.)

Also in the paper products category are my beloved paper towels. I am addicted to paper towels. My friend Janine always packs an extra roll when we take our annual lake trip because she knows me way too well. Viva is my brand of choice. Plain white–no little flowers or milk maids, please. The circumference has shrunk by at least two inches in last few years. I used to buy one roll a week. Now it’s at least two, and more if I know I’ll be doing a lot of cooking.

Coffee packages have shrunk. Cereal boxes are full of air. Rolls of wrapping paper spent after two or three presents.

Some things are constant though. A dozen eggs is still a dozen eggs. A gallon of milk is still a gallon. And best of all, a six-pack is still a six-pack.


Filed under At Home

18 responses to “I Am So Tired of Buying Toilet Paper

  1. I hate changing the rolls far more then buying them. I buy Scott because they pack those rolls tight and they last a few days, even with a paper crazy toddler.

  2. AW in Victoria, BC

    my sentiments exactly! I have turned to a Janitor’s Warehouse and buy single ply by the case. Way cheaper, lasts longer.

  3. I am also a paper towel lover. Some folks use napkins, but not me! I prefer a paper towel any day. I was burning my way through too many paper towels, so I switched to Bounty select-a-size. Still no flowers, fruit or farm designs. The rolls are a little more expensive, but they last me so much longer because I only use about what’s equal to half of a regular sheet size each time.

    Oh, and I buy them at Sam’s. They have the select-a-size for the same price as the grocery store, but the rolls are HUGE!

  4. I love these observations. I think of them more in the Seinfeld genre than Andy Rooney. My TP pet peeve is going to the restroom in an office building, shopping mall or restaurant, especially for #2, which always seem to happen to me when I shop. I mean, who needs laxatives, just head to the mall and I go like clockwork. Then you are confronted with what could only be described as TP carbon paper. It has the same consistency and it prints your pee and poo right onto your hands. Don’t these people understand if they try to save money by buying the cheap stuff, I’m going to have to use 7 times as much to get the job done?

    Keep up the excellent consumer advocate investigative work HIF. The world needs you!

  5. My name is The Unbearable Banishment and I am addicted to paper towels. I am a Bounty man, myself. I go through them like a beer drunk goes through peanuts. Viva is for amateurs. Trade up, dear.

    My two daughters go through toilet paper like I go through paper towels. Collectively, my family murders about six trees a day.

  6. Mr. Dingo and I cannot figure out how two people can go through so much toilet paper. He also cannot figure out why I can’t seem to put on a new roll when the old one runs out.

    I remember when my elementary school had that cheap toilet paper that was nothing more than a thin 3 x 3 inch square that you had to pull out of the dispenser one at a time. I’m sure that’s what scarred me for life and why I use my Cottonelle by the handful now.

  7. when in greece last summer, my TP use was modified substantially by the fact that you can’t flush the paper… when you have to fold, wrap, and dispose of it in a trash can next to the toilet? you tend to use the LEAST amount possible, so as not to make the can overflow… weird…

  8. Julie

    Buying toilet paper is as exciting and pleasurable as ironing or making a bed–over and over and over and. . .
    Now buying a new book or CD or flowers, now there is something that is a once in a lifetime pleasure.

  9. tulip

    Oh, I thought I was the only person addicted to paper towels! I have a friend who owns a dairy farm… she and her husband use real cloth napkins, and she frowns upon excessive paper towel use. Sigh. I guess I could have worse addictions. And really, why do we use so many when we bake or cook?

  10. I’m baffled by why I spend so much time buying toilet paper, too. If I get down to six rolls per bathroom, I panic. I swear they put air in it to puff it up! Could be worse… at least it’s not gas.

    It irks me when they change the sizes on things like cake mixes or products that are used in recipes. The shrinkage factor screws up the ratios.

    By the bale, huh? Never thought of it that way, but you’re right!

  11. Marilynn Porter

    Well, first of all…the only thing to do about the toilet paper scam is buy the new toilets that wash you and dry you while you wait….and JOB SQUAD is the best paper towel ever…just think they are using it now to upholster with or something…it’s off the market..Viva for me, now..except I can’t EVER find white. love. me

  12. Chris–Changing the roll is a drag. And why is that? It takes about 4 seconds, but I hate doing it too.
    AW–I should probably investigate bulk buying as well. Thank you for visiting Franklin and for commenting. Come back anytime!
    KW–Bounty is my second choice, but I am loyal to Viva which also has the select-a-size option.
    Zen–Cheaper quality means more used, TP or paper towel. I’ve had that shopping emergency before. Happened to me in Japan–had to race walk to the nearest train station to find a “western” toilet.
    UB–I’ll put my Viva up against your Bounty any day. Bring it, big guy.
    Dingo–“By the handful” is my method/quantity of choice as well.
    Daisy–Oh, I wouldn’t like that. I can imagine the condition of some of those can. Yuk!
    Julie–It all boils down to the stuff we “have” to buy and the stuff we “get” to buy.
    Tulip–Join my club. As for the paper towels, they’re so much better than dirty, nasty dishrags. I have actually thrown those filthy things away in other people’s homes. Gross. As for cloth napkins, I use them on special occasions, but they require ironing which is a whole other story.
    MM–I panic more over the paper towels than the TP. There’s no telling how many rolls are stuffed in the pantry.
    MP–I used those toilets in Japan and they are WONDERFUL. I swear if I had a glass of wine and my Kindle I could sit on one for hours. As for Job Squad–you introduced me to those in LR and I was a convert. I wonder what happened to them? xxoo

  13. We have this family recipe (from the 60’s or 70’s) that calls for a specific size box of pistachio pudding mix and a specific size container of Cool Whip. Neither of those sizes exist anymore, and it’s a pain in the ass. I have to do math.

    You know what else pisses me off? Wendy’s 99 cent Double Stack is noticeably smaller than it was a few years ago. Probably the only way they could afford to keep it at 99 cents.

  14. You just can’t get the same quality paper towels, Saran wrap, or zip lock baggies in Europe. We really do excel at some things.

  15. Andy Rooney is/was awesome. Sorry, I don’t know if he’s still around as I haven’t seen 60 Minutes in six years or so and am too tired to look it up on Wikipedia.

  16. Chamuca-Thanks for stopping by. I love pistachio anything. At least you can do the math. I’m out of luck entirely when it comes to things like that.
    Ellie–Want me to send you a care package? It can be arranged. 🙂
    AFM–Andy Rooney (and his eyebrows) are alive and well and still on 60 Minutes most every Sunday. Congrats on the new digs. Welcome to home ownership.

  17. If you happen to be an Amazon Prime member (which is the best deal on Planet Earth if you do a lot of online shopping, as they basically serve as a warehouse middleman, and once you’re a member, you get free shipping) you can get hella awesome deals on toilet paper, and if you set up an automatic order, you get another discount. I echo the recommendation of Scott tissue … while it’s not cushiony, it also won’t chap your ass, and it’s still very affordable. Their paper towels are wonderful too… extra-large rolls, and very absorbent.If you are near a Costco, you can get 12 rolls for around $15, I think, which is a good deal for a roll that’s easily one and a half times the paper density of the usual brands.

  18. I am a firm believer in Cottonelle toilet paper. I don’t know if it’s the adorable puppy or the way it feels on my butt, but I will only purchase Cottonelle.

    A friend once told me that she knew she was a woman when she started buying Charmin instead of generic toilet paper, and I called her a wuss. Cottonelle. Charmin sucks.

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