August Has Sucked Me Dry

We’re on our 30th day in a row of 90+ heat and that’s as good an excuse as any for not having a single good idea to write about. My draft file is littered with one-paragraph wonders that start off promising and then dwindle into mundane caca.

I could tell you about our canoe trip last weekend, which was great fun, but since we didn’t even turn over, there’s not much to say. We did see a muskrat, lots of fish, two buzzards and, thankfully, no snakes. I saw lots of sticks posing as snakes, but none of the real thing. Every time we went under a tree, I’d hunker down a little in anticipation of one dropping off a branch into the canoe. Every time we pulled over to swim, I’d be extra vigilant–watching the murky water for any slinky ripples coming my way.

I could tell you about my recently published cover story (second in a row) for one of the magazines I write for. It’s an alumni magazine, so unless you went to a swanky private Southern university, you won’t see it. But it was fun–I interviewed sports writers who went to the school and ended up talking to guys from the New York Times, Sports Illustrated and ESPN, among others. As a sports fan myself, it was a lot of fun to do. Plus, it was my own idea and the editor let me go with it.

I guess I could tell you about the trips we are planning, but the first one is still incubating and the other one isn’t until next year. Still, nice to have those to look forward to.

Or I could tell you about having found the perfect entertainment for your child’s next birthday party or that corporate outing you’re planning:

Really, what I need is to be shed of August. It really is the worst month. Long. Hot. Boring. I’m tired of sandals. Tired of ironing all my cotton clothes. Tired of having my house hermetically sealed so as not to let any of my expensive cooled air out.

What I really want is to open the windows and feel a breeze. Right now if you go out side you basically feel like your head is swathed in a giant, wet beach towel. Every breath is like sucking on wet cotton balls. Nothing flourishes in this weather but katydids and fruit flies.

I want to use my oven. I want to cook a pot roast, bake a chicken and wear a sweater.

Two more weeks and then August 2010 will be done forever.

September will still be hot, but at least there will be a hint of cooler air.

And football.

And chili.

17 Comments

Filed under At Home

17 responses to “August Has Sucked Me Dry

  1. Gosh. Uncle Jethro. The proselytizing birthday-party clown. Hard to know what to say to that, except AWESOME.

  2. “What she said”, with a link to this post, may be about all i can muster this week… i got nothin’. and i’m tired of drinking the air as well. September. yay.

  3. Julie

    Personally I think Uncle Jethro could have the answers to a lot of your problems. (Is that ad the stuff of evil novels or what!)

  4. I love summer so much. Whenever I say that, people roll their eyes at me (at best)–because who doesn’t love summer in San Diego–but I’ve always loved summer. Even in Houston and Kansas City. I abhor winter, which is why I don’t care for fall. It envelopes me in dread. Plus, it means no more sandals, and I hate winter shoes. Evil leather prisons. 😦

  5. Although perhaps if I were to wear clown, rather than regular, shoes throughout the winter, I would hate it less.

  6. I have been shocked at how bearable Madrid has been this summer. It’s been easy on me this year. You have my sympathy.

  7. Niece Whit

    Yay Football and Chilli! πŸ™‚

  8. Me too. I can’t even think of a decent comment, let alone a post.

  9. Bring on autumn! Roast beef. Football. Raked leaves. I enjoyed the summer but my lawn is burnt brown and I’m tired of air conditioning.

    For not having anything to write about that was a pretty decent post. Well done.

  10. Susie–I bet he’d travel up your way if you covered the expenses.
    Daisy–Feel free. My traffic’s waaaaaay down.
    Julie–With all the birthday parties in your future, surely Uncle Jethro will be of use.
    Elise–I’ll invest in clown shoes if you will. Surely they’ll come in handy at Halloween.
    Whit–You’ll come watch a game or two with me, won’t you?
    PG–I’m glad this ennui isn’t just me. I picture Spain as being even hotter.
    UB–Awwwww, thanks.

  11. I am 100% on your side.

  12. Champion Attitude custom bootmakers in El Paso make the most rockin’ clown shoes on the planet. πŸ™‚

  13. Rass–At least you know that it’ll cool off up there before here.
    Elise–Don’t tempt me.

  14. Oh and here I must lament. If I were still in Oklahoma, I’d be right there with you sista but alas, I am in Milwaukee – staring straight into the eyes of another brutal winter. Heat, humidity, the stillness of no wind. I will bathe in it for I shall not see it again until approximately this time next year.

  15. Oh my god, that sounds horrendous. I’m not good in the heat.

    I’m a winter creature. I like to be in a position where to feel better I need to get snuggly, rather than stand in front of an air conditioner. I also far prefer winter clothes.

    Football and Chilli is a pretty awesome combination. Likewise, I’m waiting for Ice Hockey and late night steak sandwiches (because of the time difference, I’m usually eating at 1am while I watch games online).

  16. Thankfully cool weather seems to have taken over, and it’s been a very nice week. I also have been very impatient with the heat, but all is good now. the morning walks in 68 degree weather are just fantastic.

  17. August has drowned me and left me shivering.

    But I’m thinking of seeing if Uncle Jethro can come do my boys’ birthday next weekend. Do you think he’d charge extra for the travel?

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