Can I Please Have Your Hair?

I don’t care who you are, your hair has to be better than mine.

My hair does not look good wet.

It does not look good dry.

It is too thin, too fine and too recalcitrant.

If my hair were a person, it would be a willful toddler throwing herself on the floor of a public place and having a complete and total come apart.

I have asked nicely. I have bought thousands of dollars worth of products. Spent hours and hours in the salon.

My hair has been bleached, permed and glazed. I’ve had undertones, overtones and hot oil treatments. It’s been teased, sprayed and moussed.

And what’s my reward?

A big ol’ head full of crap.

This is not my hairdresser’s fault. My hair always looks great when I leave his salon. In fact, it looks great for at least an hour. But then humidity and gravity take their toll and the hairs on my head just revert to their natural inert state.

Sunday afternoon husband and I had to share an unbrella walking to our car in a downpour after a social gathering. When we got home, he said he was going to Costco and did I need anything…maybe some “hair puff.”

I swear to God, that’s what he said…”hair puff.”

If I thought it would help, I would shave my head bald and start over.

Then I remember that I already did that once and it didn’t help.


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17 responses to “Can I Please Have Your Hair?

  1. Niece Lash

    I just had a come apart with “hair puff.” You are your worst critic. I think your hair is perfectly fine!

  2. Julie Fisher

    Lashlee, you see, that’s exactly what Cindy’s saying–her hair IS perfectly fine. That’s the whole thing. So is mine.
    Cindy, “hair puff” at Costco? Sounds like just the product I’ve been looking for all my life. I’m going over there right now and get a case.
    And have you ever noticed that every time you’re sitting in a hair salon that the person next to you has the best hair in the whole world? She just tosses that hair around and flips out of there wondering where she should go for ice cream because she really seriously needs to put on a few pounds. Hate her hair, hate her rear end!

  3. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you’re making out. It never is. At least you still have it!

  4. Have mine – it’s as fine as baby hair, totally limp and straight, and has no volume whatsoever. Oh, but you already have it, by the sound of it….

  5. Debi Blake

    Ditto! Fine, thin, straight. Won’t grow. I’ve even thought of wigs. Pathetic.

  6. mongoliangirl

    ha ha ha ‘hair puff’. Husbands are great, no? Trying to remember all that is important to us, even if it cofuses the hell out of them.
    Big, giant, huge curly hair – me. I spent my childhood being asked, “Did you stick your finger in a light socket?” I hated it until I realized some poor saps think it is an expression of something mysterious and exotic.
    Whatever makes it happen, right?

  7. Mother

    You inherited it and I am so sorry. I got a perm last week and we have had rain ever since so now my hair is one really frizzy mess. I always hoped my children wouldn’t get my hair or my teeth.(teeth are easy to fix but very costly)

  8. Oh yeah? Well…my hair is BROWN. Take that.

  9. batspit

    hair poof?! You should have said yes and posted what he ended up buying… I’m always amazed at what the husband thinks I’ve asked for from the store….

  10. Little Sister

    I have memories of you having to have your hair thinned out. What happened?? Its ok, I have it too, just NATURALLY blonde!

  11. What the hell is hair puff?

    When my mom’s grew back in, it grew out differently … in a good way. Everyone says she looks like Co0per Anderson now.

  12. I can assure you that your hair is better than mine. At least you have some.

  13. Lash–Thanks…I’m glad you think so.
    Julie–I know you suffer from thin hair syndrome yourself.
    UB–I know, it could be worse…it was just particularly bad yesterday.
    Denise–Sounds like you could use some hair puff too.
    Debi–But your hair always looks cute.
    MG–Bitch. πŸ™‚
    Mother–I have excellent teeth. And you can’t help that you passed on the hair genes.
    Rassles–Your hair looks long and shiny to me. Besides, color is a lot easier to change than texture.

    Bat–Oh, I should’ve. Problem is, no telling what I would’ve ended up with.
    Susie–Isn’t that the funniest phrase ever?
    Little Sister–Your hair color is about as natural as Velveeta.
    Ellie–It’s a secret hair product you can only get in the U.S.
    AFM–Typical man–quantity over quality. πŸ™‚

  14. Niece Lash

    Velveeta! Laughing into next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  15. Niece Whit

    I love velveeta! Or any kind of cheese….oh and mom’s hair is soooo natural!

  16. Older Sister

    The next generation and the next generation have lot’s of hair – thick, curly and naturally blond – (except for Jeff) Sorry, though we are 15 years apart we still have the same “skinny” hair. Maybe it’s an environmental thing??

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