Get the Beep Beep Out of My Way

When I was growing up, horns on cars around here were used about as often as snow shoes and chopsticks.

In other words, never.

Horns were for big cities with lots of traffic. Horns were for rude, impatient people. People who used them were either Yankees or just not right–the same people who put dark meat in their chicken salad and let their children go to town barefoot.

I imagine that the horns on all the various cars we had growing up rusted from disuse. They just sat there on the steering wheel, wishing they’d been shipped anywhere but Franklin, Tennessee.

But somewhere along the way I discovered what happened when I pushed on the center of my steering wheel–I got everyone’s attention.

And if there’s one thing I like, it’s attention.

Take too long at a red light? HONK.

Cut in front of me in traffic? HONK.

Have a Sarah Palin sticker on your bumper? HONK.

But the other day, my horn just wasn’t getting the job done. A merging car tried to merge right into me. I honked and honked and closer and closer she came. I had no where to go and she was just inches away. I was could see her silver fender closing in on my silver fender. And I kept honking.

Finally she came to and realized what she was doing.

I honked once more for good measure and went on my way. When I got home, I told husband I needed a louder horn.

“Mmmm,” he said, “le’t go look under  your hood.”

Husband is exceedingly gifted when it comes to mechanics and he quickly diagnosed the problem. Turns out, I actually have TWO horns, but one was unplugged.

Ha–now my horn is louder than ever. And also quite harmonic.

So I have gone to the dark side when it comes to horns. But I will never, ever put dark meat in my chicken salad.


Filed under General Frippery

18 responses to “Get the Beep Beep Out of My Way

  1. Perhaps Husband can install some flame throwers and a retractable stick with a boxing glove on it. That’ll get their attention.

  2. You’re a honking goof ball!

  3. Kimmer

    Love this post….HONK!!!! I believe God gave us horns to honk so we could (potentially) flip off and cuss much less. I, on the other hand, am a multi-tasker and have learned to do all three at once! 🙂

  4. Julie Fisher

    Honking your horn is all about communication AND staying out of a psychiatrist’s chair. I believe it also has aided in keeping marriages together.
    Now, the only thing about honking your horn in the South is that usually people just think it’s somebody they know. Have you ever noticed that you usually get waved to after you honk at somebody? Wait a minute. . .that IS a wave, isn’t it?

  5. Little Sister

    I don’t think you need a horn. I have been talking to you while you are driving and you scream plenty loud at other drivers. Let the horn rest.

  6. Ooooh! There’s Mediterranean blood in them there veins – or wine, at least.

  7. UB–somehow flames on a 2002 Chevy just doesn’t fit.
    MG–and don’t you forget it!
    Kimmer–no comment on the header????
    Julie–all I can say is that my honks aren’t usually accompanied by friendly waves.
    LS–fine. Did you sell my tix yet???

  8. Europeans tend to use the horn quite frequently, but less out of impatience … rather truly as a means of communication with their vehicularly sealed in comrades. Their beeping tends to be less aggressive and more telling. More of a toot toot than a honk.

  9. I, too, have discovered the beauty of a horn. I used to be terrified to use it, but with the amount of people on cell phones merging into me and sitting too long at a green light? I use it frequently. Go on with your bad honkin self!

  10. What’s going on with your header? It’s gone all ugly and hunting vest orange.

    If it were up to me, horns would be banned. But then Miss Manners is one of me personal heroes.


  11. I never realized how empowering using a horn could be. I’m going to give a try next time someone pisses me off on the road. I usually just give people the finger and they don’t even notice.

  12. So you, like, honk in stereo? You are badass . . .

  13. Ellie–you’re right. A toot is much more civilized than a honk.
    Jen–right on sista.
    AFM–I knew you’d like the header. 🙂 It might not be there long though.
    Gwen–think of it as an audible bird.
    TD–mostly I’m a nice wuss. But yes, my horn is rather melodic now.

  14. Niece Lash

    With my dinky horn, I just choose to run them off the road or a high speed chase works too. Maybe I should just try to see if uncle can make my horn louder and maybe it would suffice.

  15. Mother

    I had several opportunities to honk as I fought the noonday traffic at Cool Springs but I was my usual nice self, smiled and inched on.

  16. Lash and Mother–see what a difference a generation or two makes?

  17. Maybe you need one of those that go, “Aaaaah-ooooooo-gaaa!”

  18. I’m a horn abuser myself.

    There is something extremely funny that happens here in Spain when you honk your horn. Others reply with a honk. You can get a bunch of people involved in a honk conversation while you’re waiting at an intersection.

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