Your Wart Ate My Karma.

A few weeks ago I was talking to a colleague in the kitchen at work when I noticed something on his chin. A little flesh-colored nubbin about a half inch under his lower lip. I did that thing where you touch your own face to indicate that someone else has something on their face.

“You’ve got a little something on your chin,” I said.

“No,” he replied. “It’s a wart. I have grown a wart on my face.”

And so it was. A nubbiny little wart that just popped up, almost overnight.

We took to teasing him about it. He took it well and even named it. It went on for about a week.

He took his face to the doctor and now the nubbin is gone.

I, on the other hand, have a giant pustule in almost the same place on my face. Payback, I’m convinced, for teasing about the wart.

I was not one of those teenagers afflicted with acne. I’m not even sure I’ve ever been to a dermatologist. I DON’T GET ZITS.

But now I have a third eye. A headlight. A saucer-sized goiter on my chin. I know it’s deep. I can feel its roots running down my throat, probably waiting to wrap themselves around my carotid artery and strangle me in my sleep.

I see people looking at it when they’re talking to me. They try to maintain eye contact, but inevitably their glance slides down to my chin…then they pop right back up again as if they were caught doing something naughty. 

Remember that scene in Animal House when John Belushi stuffs his mouth with mashed potatoes and then forces them out by pushing on his cheeks, spewing mashed potatoes everywhere? The scene where he says “Look, I’m a zit?”

Well, this zit isn’t going to be like that.

Oh no. It’s not going to just pop and go away. It’s going to seep and ooze and get crusty. It’s going to be a constant reminder that I shouldn’t make fun of people with warts. (Which I really don’t do very often, and everyone else was doing it too.)

It’s karma. Instant pustule-inducing karma.

Thanks universe.


Filed under General Frippery

19 responses to “Your Wart Ate My Karma.

  1. Niece Lash

    Gross. I did get my good skin from this side of the family though. But unfortunately I also got the trait of making fun of warty pustules and such on others. Of course I ONLY do it when others start it and when the other person thinks it is funny. Now that I think of it, my pregnancy mask spots have come back and NO I’m not. But it is all making sense. Payback. Is. A. Bitch.

  2. It’s karma from being a pimple free teen. God, I hated you people when I was 14!


  3. I have to agree with A Free Man – you had no zits as a teen? I’m so jealous. I hated my skin back then. Anyway, I hope your pustule goes away very soon.

  4. Julie Fisher

    See? It just goes to show you that Episcopalians are wrong–God is indeed full of wrath and vengeful to the nth degree!

  5. Don’t pick at it or pinch it. That’ll only make it worse. As a zit-free teen, I’m sure you don’t know this bit of conventional wisdom. Yet ‘yerself down to a pharmacy. There are over the counter meds that will help. Unless you enjoy the additional attention, of course.

  6. Little Sister

    No wonder you are grumpy. You are having bad kharma and growing zits. I am so sorry!

  7. Stewart

    “Instant pustule-inducing karma!” Wasn’t that an album by John Lennon and Johnny Rotten?

  8. Swallow the karma. Spit the zit.

  9. ack. when i asked the dermatologist when i’d stop getting zits? he said “oh, oily skin at your age is great – you’ll keep getting zits until you start to get wrinkles”. no. i did not hit him.

    karma. it’s whutz fer supper…

  10. Mother

    You said I wouldn’t like this blog and you were so right. None of you all had “zits” – lets move on.


  12. Fave Grandchild

    I like popping zits…

  13. Kimmer

    I get more zits now than when I was a teenager! Maybe its karma for not having them back when we were kids….so we gotta deal with them now that we are older. Whatever it is…it sucks. Hope you get some zit relief soon.

  14. Heh! You got in trouble from ‘Mother’ for talking about gross stuff.

  15. To all who suffered acne in their youth–sorry. Don’t be a hater.
    Stewart–don’t be a stranger. And I was definitely thinking more Lenon than Rotten.
    Hedon–thanks for visiting Franklin. Mother, like most Southern belles, doesn’t like to read about anything unpleasant.

  16. Hate those. May I suggest dabbing on some apple cider vinegar? I’m not even kidding. It works.

  17. batspit

    that was hilarious. So funny, in fact, I will even forgive you for not normally getting zits.

  18. I’m with Freeman – you lucky thing never to have zits! I was cursed with them for as long as I can remember and they’ve barely subsided, to be replaced by wrinkles of course.

  19. Do you actually take the time to read all the different comments from people who stop by your site? We have bookmarked your site because we like all the value that you provide to your readers.

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