Last year when I only had about six regular readers, I posted the following rules for people visiting Nashville for the CMA Music Fest. Now that I’m up to 23 regulars, I thought I’d post them again. Heck, it might be a yearly occurrence.
The CMA Music Fest (formerly known as Fan Fair) is a huge tourist draw for Nashville and country music’s biggest acts come out and sing and sign autographs. It’s a chance to hear a lot of artists in a short time and it’s a windfall for the tourism industry.
Unfortunately, it happens in June and that means 90 degree heat combined with 90 percent humidity. Weather like that just brings out the worst in people. If you’re planning to come this way, I hope you’ll follow the simple rules listed below.
1. I don’t care how hot it is…that’s no excuse for tacky clothes. This includes tube tops, halter tops, tank tops and daisy dukes. Unless you’re a supermodel, the less skin the better.
2. Leave the cowboy hat at home.
3. Leave the cowboy boots at home. Don’t you people know how hot it is here?
4. Tattooing your favorite star’s name onto your body is not going to make him/her like you better. In fact, it will probably just creep them out. Besides, chances are it will be spelled wrong.
5. Please keep your shirts on. Nobody needs to see that. It’s only the first day and I’ve already seen way more of you people than I want to.
6. Standing in the middle of a downtown street and fighting with your companion while looking for the river stages really isn’t a good idea. Ditto jay-walking at 5 p.m.
7. I do not know where Keith and Nicole live. Ditto Kenny or Brad. I do know a really famous star’s drummer’s wife, but I’m not telling you who. And if you’re looking for Wynonna, try the Target here in Franklin.
If you’ll just follow these simple rules, we’ll all get along fine. Have a good time. Spend lots of money. Pick up your trash.
And if you’re going to Bonnaroo(which is also this weekend), I know you’re going to spend most of the time nekkid. So please bring sun screen and a hat.