CMA Music Fest–Helpful Hints

Last year when I only had about six regular readers, I posted the following rules for people visiting Nashville for the CMA Music Fest.  Now that I’m up to 23 regulars, I thought I’d post them again. Heck, it might be a yearly occurrence.

The CMA Music Fest (formerly known as Fan Fair) is a  huge tourist draw for Nashville and country music’s biggest acts come out and sing and sign autographs. It’s a chance to hear a lot of artists in a short time and it’s a windfall for the tourism industry.

Unfortunately, it happens in June and that means 90 degree heat combined with 90 percent humidity. Weather like that just brings out the worst in people. If you’re planning to come this way, I hope you’ll follow the simple rules listed below.

 1. I don’t care how hot it is…that’s no excuse for tacky clothes. This includes tube tops, halter tops, tank tops and daisy dukes. Unless you’re a supermodel, the less skin the better.

2. Leave the cowboy hat at home.

3. Leave the cowboy boots at home. Don’t you people know how hot it is here?

4. Tattooing your favorite star’s name onto your body is not going to make him/her like you better. In fact, it will probably just creep them out. Besides, chances are it will be spelled wrong.

5. Please keep your shirts on. Nobody needs to see that. It’s only the first day and I’ve already seen way more of you people than I want to.

6. Standing in the middle of a downtown street and fighting with your companion while looking for the river stages really isn’t a good idea. Ditto jay-walking at 5 p.m.

7. I do not know where Keith and Nicole live. Ditto Kenny or Brad. I do know a really famous star’s drummer’s wife, but I’m not telling you who. And if you’re looking for Wynonna, try the Target here in Franklin.

If you’ll just follow these simple rules, we’ll all get along fine. Have a good time. Spend lots of money. Pick up your trash.

And if you’re going to Bonnaroo(which is also this weekend), I know you’re going to spend most of the time nekkid. So please bring sun screen and a hat.

12 Comments

Filed under General Frippery

12 responses to “CMA Music Fest–Helpful Hints

  1. Bothered by tacky clothes? Are you kidding? Do you forget what country you live in? I hope you don’t mind belt buckles the size of sewer lids. And I don’t know about you but I enjoy public displays of marital discord.

  2. Julie Fisher

    But if these tourists didn’t do all these things it just really wouldn’t be “Nashvull in the summuh” now would it.

  3. Shit! Bonnaroo is this weekend?! I always miss it . . .

  4. Man, friggin’ Bonnaroo, with their drum-circles and their OMG Phish, and their not showering.

  5. Kimmer

    Ok…so I really DO know where Kenny lives. Does that make me knowledgeable…or a stalker? I need to think about that….

  6. Lil

    I would be amazed if at a Country music festival there were no cowboy hats or boots. It seems to me that those are required of die-hard country music listeners. Of course, not being a country music fan, I may be completely wrong there.

  7. mongoliangirl

    I’m so clueless. Seriously. I didn’t know what Bonnaroo was until this very post. I also don’t know who Keith, Nicole, Brad or…what’s that other person’s name…are. Do I?
    I am, however, familiar with spousal fighting in public. It’s not a good thing. Especially with an improper amount of clothing on.

  8. Here In Franklin

    Sarah–thanks! We aim to please.
    UB–yeah, I did forget about the belt buckles. Seems like they’d just weigh you down.
    Julie–you’re right. And you nailed the accent, of course.
    TD–there’s always next year.
    Rass–is not showering bad?
    Kimmer–you’re not a stalker unless you drive by 17 times a day.
    Lil–thanks for visiting Franklin. There will be boots and hats galore, on the stages and off.
    MG–Keith (Urban) and Nicole (Kidman)are two of our more popular celebs. As for the others, I wouldn’t know ’em if I tripped over ’em–I just learned the names by osmosis.

  9. I think those are actually pretty good rules for life in general. Except cowboy hats can be cute on the right people.

  10. I love country music – but real country music – Steve Earle, Dwight Yoakam, Towne Van Zandt, Johnny Cash, Guy Clark, etc.

    I can’t imagine anything worse than a festival full of these Top 40 country yahoos – and their fans!

  11. Gwen–you’re right…the right hat on the right person is a good thing.
    AFM–that’s why I stay home, 20 miles away, in the a/c. Also, I’m with you on the classic country.

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