The State of Idiocracy

The Tennessee legislature is in session–and while that’s good news for all the waitresses over at Hooters downtown, it’s not so good for the rest of us who are paying for their wisdom, discernment and leadership. In the past few days, the following items have been discussed either on the floor of the House or Senate.

1.      A bill allowing people with gun permits to take their guns into a state park.

 

I can see it now—little Billy and little Susie are playing on the swing set. Billy pushes Susie. Susie falls down and cries. Susie’s daddy complains to Billy’s daddy about his son, the bully. Thank goodness Billy’s daddy has his gun. He whips it out and shoots Susie’s daddy. End of story. In a late development, however, it seems that this measure may not come to pass. The reason? It would be too expensive to change out all the signs telling people that guns aren’t allowed in state parks. One legislator actually suggested duct taping over existing signs, but that was deemed tacky.

 

2.      A bill outlawing saggy pants.

 

Thank goodness someone is finally addressing this issue. I know I’ll sleep better knowing that every kid from the Mississippi River to the Smoky Mountains will have his pants firmly attached at the waist. Possibly with duct tape.

 

3.      A bill allowing color advertisements on school buses

 

Currently, only black and white ads are allowed on school buses…and only on the rear. One elected official felt that color ads might be distracting to other drivers, especially blue ones. and would cause drivers to crash into the school buses.

 

4.      State beverage and state mineral

 

Ever heard of Jack Daniels? Ever wonder how much money and notoriety it’s earned the state? Doesn’t matter. Milk is now the official beverage of Tennessee. And agate is our official mineral.

 

5.      Prove it Obama!

 

Even though it didn’t occur during this current session, a few of our leaders got together a while back and signed on as plaintiffs in a law suit designed to make President Obama prove he’s American—they want to see his birth certificate.

 

I hope that before this legislative session is over our representatives remember that unemployment and the current economic meltdown are more important that saggy trousers and milk.

11 Comments

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11 responses to “The State of Idiocracy

  1. Ugh, the TN state government might JUST be worse than the TX state government. And you didn’t even mention the business about having a loaded gun in cars. Everything they do seems to be completely nonsensical.

  2. Kimmer

    1. And exactly how many arrests for gun possession have been made in state parks? I’m sure we find TONS of FBI’s most-wanted at the state park…..
    2. BIG BROTHER…at it once again. Now.. I HATE saggy britches and would love to see them go. But instead of trying to outlaw saggy pants, how bout we enforce the laws we already have. Let’s try the one called “INDECENT EXPOSURE”.
    3. “Do you like hot pink or pale yellow for this ad?…” SERIOUSLY…DOES IT MATTER? (Not to mentions that color ads cost more than bw ads.)
    4. Milk is for wussies. I guess we’ll now be known as the official “wussie state”. What the hell are these guys thinking? Jack Daniels and Tennessee go together like peas and carrots!!
    5. Rather than prove they deserve to representing the State of Tennessee, they’d rather point the finger at someone else. GET A LIFE.

    Thanks for pointing out more reasons for me to hate politics. Republican or Democrat, they all suck right now.

  3. Karen A

    I have GOT to stop reading your blog at work! I was choking back laughter and people walking by my office were questioning my sanity.

  4. I can’t believe these are for real. Wow. As for guns in state parks: Eh. It doesn’t bother me if someone wants to carry a gun. It bothers me when a person starts shooting a gun at innocent bystanders. But that’s a loaded issue.

    Baggy pants – As a commenter already said – just enforce the indecent exposure laws. It shouldn’t be illegal to wear baggy pants if everything is covered up. I hate the trend, personally.

    Do we really need any ads on school buses? Jesus. I feel like everywhere we go somebody is trying to sell us something.

  5. I was really worried about those black and white advertisements. Whew. I’m glad they’re sorting that out.

  6. Julie Fisher

    YES!!! I’ve been thinking the same thing. What have we elected these numbskulls for? The other ludicrous/hilarious/wierd thing about us Tennesseans is our 6:00 evening local news. If I were holed up in a hotel here watching the evening news, I would be right on the phone home to tell somebody about the amazing stories I had just heard. Of course the person at home would not believe it–probably would think the stories had been heard on old reruns of Saturday Night Live. But. . .having said all that, I wouldn’t want to live in any “normal, straight-laced” state for anything in the world. Where would be the fun???!

  7. Who needs a legislature to change laws when we can go right down to Lowe’s and buy duct tape? I’d leave a longer comment but I have some No Parking signs I must tend to.

  8. Wow. Well, at least you’re not banning the teaching of evolution this time around. Or have y’all done that already…

  9. Milk? Seriously? Thousands of tourists from around the world will converge on Lynchburg to see the…..milk. Nope, not buying it.

  10. Kira–I remember the blue laws when I lived in Fort Worth. I could buy beer on Sunday, but not panty hose. I could buy a cake pan, but not cake mix. So, yeah, Tennessee and Texas are probably neck and neck in the stupidity department.

    Kimmer–way to break it down. And you’re right–ALL the politicans need to get their heads out of their rears.

    Karen–just shut your door…no one will ever know.

    Gwen–trust me, they’re all too real. And, sadly, not that unusual.

    Jen–I know…it’s a huge relief.

    Julie–we can’t even watch the news most nights. Only good thing is we’re not paying their salaries…the same can’t be said of the legislators.

    Dingo–be careful. I think the NYPD wouldn’t think that’s funny. (But I do.)

    Free Man–yeah–the Monkey Trial–another shining moment in our history.

    Ginny–you want your milk on the rocks or straight up?

  11. The WORST thing about this post is that I was surprised by none of it.

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