Quick–go to Krogers, it’s fixin’ to snow. (Or, how many Southern idioms can I fit into one title.)

There’s a phenomenon around here that those of you in places like Illinois and Pennsylvania or freaking Canada just won’t understand. It’s called The Snow Promise.

It works like this:

On any given winter day–say a Tuesday–the anchor woman looks at the weather guy with a glint in her eye and flirtatiously says:

“I hear we might be in for a little change in the weather.”

Weather guy replies:

“Well…it’s really too early to say for sure but…stay tuned and see what the end of the week will bring.”

After the commercials, the weather guy starts talking about a pimple on a cloud in the jet stream over Idaho that just might make it to Tennessee four days from now. And if that pimple grows…and if the jet streams takes a Southern dip…and if we all stand on one leg and hop around the couch three times while saying the Pledge of Allegiance backwards…we could see up to … wait for it … a half inch of snow! Only they don’t call it snow…they call it “the white stuff.” Because that’s what comes out of pimples right?

(Sorry–I’m a little obsessed by pimples at the moment–I grew two on my chin in about 15 minutes Wednesday.)

Now that we have an official forecast for a distinct possibility that it might snow, all other conversations cease.

Stock market drops 250 points–who cares? Hey, did you hear it might snow?

A woman with no job, no husband and no home gives birth to eight kids–so what? Schools will be closed for sure.

Famine…plague…pestilence–doesn’t matter. I’ve got to get to Krogers now.

You think grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving is bad? Just venture into any Southern store when a hint of snow is in the forecast. For some reason, the people around here are fixated on bread and milk. Evidently they are the two must-have items. Personally, I don’t get it. Snow prep at my house means beer and cat food. We’re happy. The cat’s happy.

Tomorrow night it might snow. Actually, it’ll be a full-on blizzard since they’re saying it might be OVER AN INCH. But we’ll survive. It’ll melt 16 minutes after it falls.

14 Comments

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14 responses to “Quick–go to Krogers, it’s fixin’ to snow. (Or, how many Southern idioms can I fit into one title.)

  1. mongoliangirl

    So true! I am especially fond of those who believe one inch of snow is gonna kill ’em. Then they go drive their car in the snow and die. Insane!

  2. Cindy, that’s fantastic. Unfortunately, my milk expired yesterday…and I haven’t gotten out to get more yet.

    Think there will be any more in town to be had today?

    I am eager to see how the pup acts in snow. His name is Mordecai, by the way…he’s lovely.

  3. Kimmer

    Doesn’t take much to excite us Southerners does it? LET IT SNOW LET IT SNOW LET IT SNOW! 🙂

  4. 1 inch of snow? Get out the skis! You’re going to need them. The grocery stores here get really crowded when a big storm is on the way, too.

    I think we have slush in the forecast for tomorrow. Ew.

  5. Julie Fisher

    You forgot to mention the schools. Yessir, we got that l inch blizzard last night, and I bet we won’t have schools opened until at least Thursday. This way, all the kids can hop into their cars Monday and take off to the malls and the movies. Hey, speaking of which. . .Cindy, you might want to go see another chick flick with your girlfriends. I bet the all-out cat fight you could start this time could make the evening news.

  6. Niece Whit

    You nailed it, as usual. However, masses of people in rural places stock up on lots of liquor. My Mom and me had a record breaking day yesterday at the rural whiskey store. The groceries don’t seem as important to some people.

  7. Well that pretty much sums up the couple of times it snowed when we lived in Dallas. The entire city shut down– it was awesome.

  8. I can relate. I’m in NE Indiana, where it generally snows more, but everyone thinks it Armageddon. And the stories get bigger as the day wears on . . .

  9. My Northern family was always vastly amused by the snow panics in the South. They were less amused by the way Southerners drove in the snow.

  10. Quite a snow we had, wasn’t it?

    I never did get that milk.

  11. This reminds me of that episode of King of the Hill where it snow flurried and people started panicking and driving all erratically. The sad thing is that it’s not much different where I live, and I live in Pennsylvania. We had a “major” snowstorm on Sunday night (@ 6 inches) and prior to that my husband and I were doing our regular grocery shopping. Well there were so many people crammed into that store. I said to my husband, “I know it’s Sunday and all, but it’s not usually this crowded.” He was like, “Don’t you know, it’s going to snow?” I just slapped my forehead and said, “How could I be so stupid to come here before the storm of the century.” It’s like god forbid people run out of milk when they’re snowed in for like 24 hours.

  12. Love it – hilarious! You are so right about all of it. We don’t know how to drive already – add snow and the whole city of Nashville is in danger. By the way… I am so scared to drive in the snow and I don’t care who knows it!

  13. Rachael

    I just started reading you today, but you remind me of home! I’m from Clarksville originally, though now I live near Austin, Texas. Anyhow, one of my fondest memories is heading to the grocery store when they call for snow and seeing the bread and milk aisles completely empty – as if bread and milk would get you through ANYTHING.

    Also the enormous number of cars in ditches when we got the slightest amount of “white stuff”.

  14. Very nicely said.I found out about your blog from Bing and thought it was great!. How long have you kept the blog?Just the other day I recently developed a blog on my own and its been a really fun process. I’ve met some interesting friends since then but it can be a real chore sometimes! Once again, thanks a million for your blog post!

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