One of the biggest wastes of time I experience is waiting for the elevator. It would be easy enough to take the stairs in most cases, but the stairwells here are locked from the inside. So even if I just want to go up one flight to the coke machine, I wait on the elevator. We all do.
In order to make elevator riding more pleasant for us all, I have devised a few simple guidelines, not unlike these posted a few weeks back.
- Please don’t breathe on me. I know that you’re a mammal and breathing is crucial to your existence, but please, just hold your breath. It’s not that far.
- Hang up the cell phone. We don’t care what you’re getting at the grocery store on the way home. (By the way, hang up the cell phone in the bathroom too. Those stalls are not soundproof and I know way more about some of you people than I really need to.)
- Don’t make me stop on your floor only to have you decide that you and your group will wait for the next one. Don’t you already see enough of these people?
- Try to remember where you’re parked. Write it on your hand if you have to. Just don’t make me stop on 3 floors to help jog your memory. If you can’t remember where you parked, odds are you shouldn’t be driving.
- Please don’t ask me to hold the elevator while you finish up your conversation with someone not getting on. Your time is not more valuable than mine. However, if you’re runnng down the hall, I will hold it for you. I expect you to do the same.
- Note to the man on the seventh floor–please eat a peppermint before entering–truly–or I may be guilty of violating Guideline #7.
- Please don’t vomit in the elevator. I know this seems a little obvious, but as evidenced by the aroma in one of my building’s elevators this morning, some of you need to reminded that it’s not polite to blow chunks in a confined space shared with others. Only exceptions to this rule are elevators in college dorms.
Elevator etiquette isn’t really hard to follow. A little common sense will go a long way. See you on the way down.