I Tried. Really, I Did. But I Give Up.

Back  in January, higher gas prices, higher grocery store prices and an expensive trip on the horizon caused me to forego my cleaning lady. I didn’t like to do it, but I just decided that I wasn’t getting my money’s  worth and that I could just do it myself.

Who was I kidding?

I am the world’s worst housekeeper. I don’t know where I got this gene. Everyone else in the family manages just fine. But I am incapable. Maybe I am adopted. Who knows.

And it’s not that I don’t want a clean house, it’s that I honestly don’t know how to do it. I am a fairly smart person. (I passed two Jeopardy auditions and am just waiting for them to call me.) But the simplest household chore completely escapes me.

Today is a case in point–me trying to clean my shower. Easy for most people. A disaster for me.

(Let me say one thing here in my own defense–I usually don’t have my contacts in when I’m in the shower, so I can’t really tell if it’s dirty or not. After all, it gets watered down every day…how dirty could it be? And it wasn’t completely covered in scum…just partially.)

1. Find bottle of spray on mildew remover. The beauty of this product is that you don’t have to scrub. You just spray and it does all the work. Take bottle upstairs and start spraying. Bottle is empty.

2. Go downstairs. Find bottle of spray on cleanser with Clorox. Take it back upstairs. Start spraying. Realize that I might have to scrub a little after all. Go downstairs and get sponge.

3. Take sponge upstairs and start scrubbing. Cleanser with Clorox may have overstated its powers to clean on the bottle. Go downstairs.

4. Find Comet and scrubbing brush. Go upstairs. (Vaguely remember stories about people passing out after mixing two household cleansers–am hoping that Comet and Clorox aren’t the ones.)

5. Cover shower floor with Comet and start scrubbing. Seems to be working. Turn on shower to rinse. Not working as well. Go downstairs.

6. Get bucket and paper towels. Fill bucket with water. Go upstairs.

7. Splash shower with water from bucket. Need more water. Wedge bucket into bathroom sink and fill with water. Spill most of the water unwedging bucket from kitchen sink.

8. Carry bucket back to shower. Lose balance. Grab towel rack. Break towel rack. Throw broken towel rack into corner. Slosh water into shower. Repeat.

9. Shower is cleaner. I, on the other hand, am filthy and smell like Clorox.

So please, if you know of a cleaning lady (or man) who is reasonbably good, honest and reasonably priced, please let me know. Because I totally give up.

18 Comments

Filed under At Home, General Frippery

18 responses to “I Tried. Really, I Did. But I Give Up.

  1. Little Sister

    That is really a sad story. You must be adopted, thats the only explanation. Its clorox and amonia that you dont mix,trust me I know this. Someone in my immediate family spent 3 days in the hospital from doing this! Hope you find someone that knows how to operate the sponge and other things essential to clean.

  2. karen a

    We have someone who we love, although I think they are really expensive (at least compared to Texas where we used to live). We have them come every three weeks (down from every other week to save money). Email me if you want the name.
    Karen

  3. Julie Fisher

    You know what is, at least for me, the real value of a maid? It is that when someone splashes water on a newly cleaned mirror and it wasn’t I who cleaned that mirror, I don’t take it as a personal affront to my very being on this earth. If I had cleaned the mirror, I would also expect, nay demand, that it never be dirty again. . .ever!
    Other comment: I laughed OUT LOUD envisioning your cleaning of that shower. Tears were involved. Thank you. Reading about the broken towel bar was a transcendental experience!

  4. Mother

    Why dont you just take baths. Tubs are so much easier to clean than showers!!!

  5. This is so funny, I’m choking on my own saliva. Okay, probably too much information from someone you don’t even know. I stumbled across your site after Googling Clorox because I have a campaign going to urge Clorox to take back and recycle Brita water filter cartridges.

    Clorox isn’t just for cleaning anymore! Nope. They are also in the water filter business (much safer, I think than shower scrubbing and towel rack breaking) and we would like them to recycle the filters here as is already being done in Europe.

    Check it out: http://www.takebackthefilter.org

    Anyway, thanks for the laugh. I know it wasn’t funny for you, but it sure made my night.

    Beth

  6. j9

    You’ll notice that your mother neither confirmed nor denied that you were adopted. . . hmmm.

  7. hereinfranklin

    J9…I did notice that. And little sister said that I probably was. It actually explains a lot.

  8. Niece Lash

    You can’t be adopted because we are too much alike.

  9. Little Sister

    How the heck does Mother know if a shower is hard to clean or not! I was forbidden my whole life, while living under her roof from taking showers. I may just take the cleaning job….geeez…it is just not that hard!!! And my roommate is the best bathroom cleaner ever!!!

  10. Mother

    Little Sister – if you will remember, we were on a well that could be run dry in a heart beat – you could not be trusted in a shower.- showers were for when we went on vacations!!

  11. Older Sister

    That is downright pitiful. I have always said I was adopted – remember the lone green eyes. Maybe we all were adopted, not that there is anything wrong with that. I NEVER take a bath – only showers ( that’s 3 out of 4)

  12. Brother

    Mother’s right about the well water and shower situation. I think Daddy and I were the only ones allowed to take showers….No Cindy, you were not adopted and neither was I or Little Sister. Now Older Sister, maybe. She just about had me convinced over the years but in reality I believe she’s a real”rellerfurd.”

  13. hereinfranklin

    OK–no one was adopted. But I still need a cleaning lady.

  14. Seth R.

    Too funny! I can totally identify. Thanks for the afternoon diversion.

  15. Kathleeneeee

    I sure to empathize, I share the same disease – I’m very fortunate to have a helper and although the cleaning lady money probably belongs in a 401K somewhere, I honestly believe I would die without her. I have said before I would eat dog food before letting her go but never say never, I hear Alpo is pretty good…..

  16. Julie

    OK auntie…this one was just too funny! I do believe that either you have a cleaning gene or a cooking gene..I happen to definitely NOT have the cooking gene, but luckily go the cleaning one….you on the other hand, got the cooking one. Mom does both, so she must be adopted…actually she has a team come now to do her cleaning!!

  17. Pingback: Cleaning Up for the Cleaning Lady « Here In Franklin

  18. well, our bathroom sink is always made from stainless steel because they are long lasting ;.:

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