Back in January, higher gas prices, higher grocery store prices and an expensive trip on the horizon caused me to forego my cleaning lady. I didn’t like to do it, but I just decided that I wasn’t getting my money’s worth and that I could just do it myself.
Who was I kidding?
I am the world’s worst housekeeper. I don’t know where I got this gene. Everyone else in the family manages just fine. But I am incapable. Maybe I am adopted. Who knows.
And it’s not that I don’t want a clean house, it’s that I honestly don’t know how to do it. I am a fairly smart person. (I passed two Jeopardy auditions and am just waiting for them to call me.) But the simplest household chore completely escapes me.
Today is a case in point–me trying to clean my shower. Easy for most people. A disaster for me.
(Let me say one thing here in my own defense–I usually don’t have my contacts in when I’m in the shower, so I can’t really tell if it’s dirty or not. After all, it gets watered down every day…how dirty could it be? And it wasn’t completely covered in scum…just partially.)
1. Find bottle of spray on mildew remover. The beauty of this product is that you don’t have to scrub. You just spray and it does all the work. Take bottle upstairs and start spraying. Bottle is empty.
2. Go downstairs. Find bottle of spray on cleanser with Clorox. Take it back upstairs. Start spraying. Realize that I might have to scrub a little after all. Go downstairs and get sponge.
3. Take sponge upstairs and start scrubbing. Cleanser with Clorox may have overstated its powers to clean on the bottle. Go downstairs.
4. Find Comet and scrubbing brush. Go upstairs. (Vaguely remember stories about people passing out after mixing two household cleansers–am hoping that Comet and Clorox aren’t the ones.)
5. Cover shower floor with Comet and start scrubbing. Seems to be working. Turn on shower to rinse. Not working as well. Go downstairs.
6. Get bucket and paper towels. Fill bucket with water. Go upstairs.
7. Splash shower with water from bucket. Need more water. Wedge bucket into bathroom sink and fill with water. Spill most of the water unwedging bucket from kitchen sink.
8. Carry bucket back to shower. Lose balance. Grab towel rack. Break towel rack. Throw broken towel rack into corner. Slosh water into shower. Repeat.
9. Shower is cleaner. I, on the other hand, am filthy and smell like Clorox.
So please, if you know of a cleaning lady (or man) who is reasonbably good, honest and reasonably priced, please let me know. Because I totally give up.